It was a planned one, yet I was surprised all the same when it actually happened. In how my body was actually able to feel it and how my mind just suddenly went awry. You know, you come as a part of a plan, but I have so many other things which are also on run. My career, my PhD, my health and everything in between.
It was a planned one, but funny no matter how much preparation that I had before, it still felt terrifying all the same. About the uncertainty, about whether what I had done was enough, about the future which there was no way I could predict on my own.
And I think I come to love you, little one.
Despite all the back pain which you caused me and all the nauseous sessions throughout the day. All the crying and worrying because simply I don’t understand the body which supposedly be mine, now seems like unattached from my will.
I think I come to love the probability of having you in my daily life and the prospect of hugging you in my arms. Funny, coming from someone who is so used to be alone and loved her own time. The thought of you being around somehow project some warmth.
I’m trying to learn and I’m trying to understand. Perhaps, you are as tired and scarred as me, being suddenly dragged into existing. We wouldn’t know each others much, but isn’t it should be part of the fun journey ahead?
Being a parent, being a friend, being someone who you could trust your back on. I hope so, I will try to do so.
So, as you are been with me for almost 3 months, I think it is also about time that you could be introduced to the world which I live in. To mark it as true, that you, despite everything, has left a mark in my history and would always have a spot in my story.
After everything, I wouldn’t change a moment about you.
Know that, you are loved, Little X.
Before, now, forever. Always.
