This post would be purposely published on my birthday as it’s one day I regards as my reflective day. You know, kinda a day when I should reminiscing about life and death, all the bright and gloomy part of my years.
The notion of birthday indeed became less and less exciting the more I grow up. I definitely care less about party or gifts. I even get annoyed when someone plans a surprise or ask for what gifts do I want for the year. Because the more I grow up, the more things that I can do and decide and gifted to myself.
Tho, as funny as it is, I still take everything personal about the greetings as I also assessed whose birthday actually I remembered since I don’t remember much. Apparently, wishes held a special place and I like to see how ‘personalize’ it’s written.
It became my personal game to actually compared which social media that will give me the most wishes. From there, I can also see which relationships that shallow and which that can bloom, or to be honest, which that I should just cut.
I’m grateful to be born. Really.
Despite knowing life is hard, looking back, I have all of the element that would make me think that it’s also worth living. From someone who didn’t like herself, I grew so far in loving what I am without a spec that I would sacrifice for anyone.
I’m grateful that I received loves freely from those who are becoming important part of my life and because of that, I never have the need to chase some more and can focus on myself. To live as I am.
The year passed by so fast and I kept making bigger and bigger decision which required me to hold into bigger responsibilities. It’s okay to be afraid and it’s okay to be worried.
I’m getting closer to the mark of 30.
At 17, I thought getting older would have specific map.
At 21, I thought I was ready to start a great deal of many life.
At 25, I thought the framework no longer work, so I might as well just keep running as fast as possible.
Now, at 27, when I do have some stability that I craved, things that I’m afraid the most is apparently being stagnant.
I spent last year in thanking myself in surviving, let’s start this stage in promising to try harder in everything.
